Dear #BlackCommunity,

I love y’all but be fr, do y’all love you?

This weekend, R&B superstar and Actor, Tyrese Gibson, took to his page to state the following:

“Sometimes I wish I were born Latino… I mean the Latin community is grounded in family, loyal, entrepreneurs, businessman, and woman literally represent the dream, the grind, the hustle doing whatever it takes to stick together against all odds.

If us as black culture were more grounded in these integral, magical nuances, we would be more dominant.”

He goes on to make comparisons to other racial and religious groups about how he’s learned a lot from the way they “stick together” and “eat dinner together” and wonders how we- the black community- lost its way.

***

This comment sparked many negative responses from the black community especially as it was posted on the 2nd day of Black History Month. Few commenters agreed with him stating, “don’t miss the message due to the messenger,” as Tyrese has displayed many bouts of emotional rants and tantrums on the past.

My personal response sent empathy and understanding to Tyrese’s statement while sending an even deeper, more powerful message that self love must come first. No label on your ethnic group can heal the traumas within, nor change the heart of a man (or woman). It is up to each individual to access the issues within themselves and their community and commit to take part in whatever changes are necessary. But before I go further in…

First, I want to acknowledge the systemic racism and discrimination that black people have faced throughout history and continue to face today. It is important to recognize the trauma and challenges that come with this reality, and to actively work towards dismantling these oppressive systems.

To my black male readers, I want to remind you that your experiences and perspectives are valid and important. Despite the negative stereotypes and biases that society may hold, you are not defined by these narrow-minded views by us all. Many deep thinkers understand that you are complex individuals with unique backgrounds, talents, and passions. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

To the men, it is important to prioritize self-care and mental health. Society may tell you to suppress your emotions and "man up," but it takes strength to acknowledge and work through your struggles. Seek out support from loved ones, professionals, or online communities if needed. Remember, vulnerability is not weakness. In fact it’s a human response to comfort and safety which takes strength to effectively tap into.

I also want to reiterate my support and admiration for black men. Your resilience and perseverance in the face of adversity is truly inspiring. Keep pushing forward, and know that you are not alone.

And to black women, I am your tribe. I know what it feels like to be the most disrespected group within this country. We often feel betrayed by our own male counterparts and discarded by society. Personally, I often feel like an outcast in this world for wanting to do more or better for the community. Just like you, I am fearful to speak up against misogyny and misinformation. I know there are consequences for defying the norm that was set for us. However, we are truly magnificent and deserve all reverence. Never let that crown slip because every time it does, we give someone the opportunity to take it away. Respect yourselves and keep a positive mindset every step of the way. Don’t let the outside influence of any negative force steer you from your purpose. I have lots more so say but let’s chat more deeply during the Women’s Empowerment Party at The Luxe Library on Saturday March 16, 2024. RSVP for this FREE event at [email protected].

With this said, the gender wars that live online and amongst our communities is a major problem that has got to stop.

Maybe I’m ultra sensitive to this matter because I’m a #boymom a #singlemom and a #woman, but face it- we all have a part to play in today’s climate of black love and relationships so let’s all tap in for a moment.

Mistreating women is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. It is important to recognize that women are equal to men- simply as human beings- and should be treated with respect and dignity.

Mistreatment of both men and women can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as discrimination and harassment in the workplace or in social situations. It is everyone's responsibility to speak out against any mistreatment and to take action to prevent it from happening. This can include educating ourselves and others about the issue, supporting victims of mistreatment, and advocating for changes in policies and laws that protect our rights. By working together, we can create a safer and more equitable society for everyone.

And with all that said, each of us must own some accountability for the traumas we’ve created or past on and mistakes that have been made as individuals. If you have experienced trauma of any kind, I urge you to seek professional help and be absolutely shameless about taking the essential step toward self improvement. If you don’t face it head on, it will continue to show up in your life for a lifetime.

Now Regarding Tyrese’s statement, wishing to be another race is off but his message around the black community needing stronger values is facts. Black history month or not, most of us as individuals can’t get it right- meaning right with God, right with our families, right with self.

I came from a family that ate dinner together daily, who prayed together and stayed together too. So the black standard I’m seeing now as an adult doesn’t quite meet the expectation that was set for me earlier on in life.

I’ve always known the odds are against us and success is skewed away from our favor.. so it was important to me to stand firm on how I could contribute to change since my earlier years. But it seems like many of us have simply given up. And with that, we allow things to remain the way they are.

We continue to call the toxic, divisive, and murderous content within our music and entertainment, our “culture” and wonder why men and women can’t find peace amongst each other. We pick up every anti-black habit and promote self hate as we shade each others complexions, make fun of each others poverty, and lend our attention to every negative storyline pushed toward us.

So although I have and would never wish to be a different race, I empathize with Tyrese as he cries out for change. His message is that he wishes to be amongst a community that values family, healing and growth. He wants to feel the compassion and camaraderie between the group of people he belongs to. And the sentiments in his comments and quite possibly in his real life prove this doesn’t exist.

All I can do is take accountability for the environments I’ve chosen to exist in though I can’t help the culture that remains in my surroundings.

Therefore, to the black community and any community that receives hate and adversity, please commit to changing from within. Commit to starting with the man or woman in the mirror. Commit to being the example, the mentor, the leader, the exemplar, and the vessel for which change has an opportunity to flow through.

Be the man who sits his family down for dinner each night (or even just once a week). Be the woman who shows a man or male counterpart unconditional love despite what he makes or brings to the table. Be the parent who showers their children with love daily and supports their friends in every way you realistically can. Show each other we are worthy beings, and like a plant we will grow.

And if ever you need a guide on how to do this or where to start, check out my newest book, “Get Glowing!” by Delicia B. Davis. This “girls guide to expressing her greatest gifts through affirmation and art” will change your life through short reads and art activities. AVAILABLE NOW on Amazon and @ www.theluxelibrary.co

The Men’s edition is coming soon! But in the meantime, check out “Just Heal, Bro!” By Dr. Jay Barrett.

Peace and Blessings, y’all!

Sincerely, 

Delicia B. Davis

Founder, The Luxe Library✨

To write a response or a ”Love 💌Letter” of your own, email us at [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: Views expressed in “Love 💌 Letters: A Weekly Blog” are strictly the perspectives of the editorialist and may not reflect the views of The Luxe Library c/o Precise Publishing Group Inc.